I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
