Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
