If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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