I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
