dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
