I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
