Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
