I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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