Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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