I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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