Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
