i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
