so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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