And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
