hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
