this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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