im about as happy as oj after his trial
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
