Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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