maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she looked like the before picture.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
