His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
