Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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