What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize