I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
