anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize