Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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