for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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