Jerry, you need to find god
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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