you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
