if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
