do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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