I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
