You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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