Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
