her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
