I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
