he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
