Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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