is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
