Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
