So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
