where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
