I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
