did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
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the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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