If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
