dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
