It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We need to get me chipped asap
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