I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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