you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
