your parents love me but you hate me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
