I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He did a backflip because drugs
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