I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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