hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
