i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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