i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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