hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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