i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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