He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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