You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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