): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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