at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
