i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
