The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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