Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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