you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
