last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize