It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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