go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
