why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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